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Judge Judy vs Simon Cowell
Judge Judy vs Simon Cowell is the eighth official installment of ERBofSmoshery's Epic Rap Battles of History and the eighth episode of Season 2. It features prosecution lawyer, Judge Judy, rapping against television judge, Simon Cowell, with a surprise appearance from fictional law enforcement officer, Judge Dredd. It is currently unknown when it will be released. Cast Andy Monk as Simon Cowell Jackie Tohn as Judge Judy Nice Peter as Judge Dredd Clarence L. Gaines IV as Petri Hawkins-Byrd (cameo) Lyrics Simon Cowell is in light blue, Judge Judy is in sandy brown, Judge Dredd is in green, and Petri Hawkins-Byrd is in brown. 'Simon Cowell:' *Interrupting the announcer* Alright, let me just stop you there What the bloody hell…? Have you got a second song? This one's a drool It's first-rate mogul against a glorified vice principal of a middle school! I'm a cash Cowell, respect and power all rise when I take the floor You're a misleading actor, and nothing more than the Doctor Seuss of law! Your whole career's a limitless act that even I couldn’t bear to manage Phony baloney suing defendants while your producers pay the damage! Listening to you's a capital punishment, and I'm known to be demanding But I still wouldn't give you a chair if you were the only contender standing! 'Judge Judy:' Order! Case number eight, your honour. Thankyou, no info's needed For me to beat a heated Syco in twenty seconds flat! Be seated! Mr. Cowell, it is your claim that you can seize MCs at ease Too bad you couldn't autotune some valuable music expertise! Tinky-Winky hits? This business magnet's only attracting dust! While I've been busting out the records since your Records went bust! Your shows are so ad-missable, at least you're used to quick declining! Think you're a wiz at polishing axe? (Ha!) Your peak was at The Shining! (Oh please!) You're so Pop Idle! You need to manage the way you dress! I'll swiftly beat you fair and square; that’s some over-due process! Taking second-hand Silvermans since you first got with your lover But if it comes to having the Ex-Factor, you'd get the golden buzzer! 'Simon Cowell:' Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know what's more absurd That new hairdo or the fact you're just a budget Bader Ginsburg! This hideous Wapner wannabe's still an Ed Koch-botched joke Can't even string a proper sentence, and I'm not talking about the stroke! I'm in my Primetime, so you better first-run back to your law class Took the bars, but just how low'd you have to set them to actually pass? Though your small claim to fame is being the longest on the cable Phoenix Slight and Hardly Byrdman still bring nothing to the table! I'm a patron making donations, spawning spin-offs around the globe You're a stonewashed Claude Frollo dressed in a shower curtain robe! I've got flairs; you’ve got flares! You wouldn’t daunt me with that glare! You're so bad, you'd singlehandedly bring court shows off the air! And I don't need an iWitness to judge that game show as a flop You broke your standing like an earthquake in a stolen china shop! Hit the buzzer and end your game, and there's no rematch for revenge 'Cause I'm dunking on your court, you're with your ball boy on the bench! 'Judge Judy:' Open your eyes up like that shirt and we wouldn't have so much grief! It can't be easy for your performers in the spotlight… of those teeth! Sinitta dick you boring morn! You've Got Talent? (Objection!) Your only strength's sending contestants off in the One wrong Direction! Beauty fades like those Dredd-ed shades; you've always been a pansy! Stuffing Botox just to puff out like an overcooked Gordon Ramsay! Signing contracts for your puppets while they Zig and Zag in fear Waiting to drop you like, “''I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!” ''*whack* I'd quaff you like a pot of coiffed coffee if you delude me! Got that firm law that'll shoot through your defences: Call of Judy! Sitting in Judgment over Oprah, reign Supreme with the iron fist! You're about to exit the court of Judy Sheindlin! *whack* Out! Case dismissed! 'Judge Dredd:' I'll be the judge of that… Dredd's all ready to show these perps just how a real Lawgiver fights I'm armed and equipped to judge these juries with executions on the mic I'll use your own words against you like Mirander-son on the scene 'Cause I'm the ultra HI-EX machina; a scheming Mean Machine! I was cloned with skills implanted, ready to spit flames like a hot shot You wouldn't know some real justice if it smacked you in the cough pot I've challenged Death and gambled with the Deps, ask my brother Battle raps are like my soul windows… *gun charge* …always covered You've got overdose of Slo-Mo flow, my blows will just resist it Send your nitpicks down the Pit like you're the Brit-Cit's biggest misfit! And I fast-tracked the Academy, while this rookie's still a preppy! 'Cause when justice comes to evidence you're blinder than a Techie! Take a Long Walk down the wastelands, your careers are headed south So Ma-Ma knows I'll drokk and drop you like the corners of my mouth! Negotiation's over, but these wars have only just begun Dredd to control; its Deadworld cop-outs zero, Mega-City One Poll Who won? Simon Cowell Judge Judy Judge Dredd Trivia General *This is the first battle to feature a third-party rapper, not including story battles. *This is the first battle where both title rappers have been alive at the time of release. Production *This battle features the longest wait from the previous battle, at a total of 831 days. Category:Epic Rap Battles of History Category:Season 2 Category:Andy Monk Category:Lauren Flans Category:Clarence L. Gaines IV Category:ERBofSmoshery